New Year's Resolution

So I'm a cliche... I'm making New Year's Resolutions. :)

• Exercise often. 2 days a weeks of martial arts. 2 or more days a week at the gym with Jon, lifting and cycling. and other various exercising, like walking, biking, playing on my trampoline
• count calories. I'm determined to use myfitnesspal.com to count my calories and make sure that I'm hitting the amount of protein I need as well. 
• Take vitamins. I'm supposed to be taking actigall (to avoid gallstones), a multivitamin, and calcium supplements. i need to make sure to take them all, everyday.
• Have a protein shake for breakfast. I need to take in 70 grams of protein a day and it's hard to do that with just food with limited space, so a protein shake will jump start my day. 
• Don't buy snacks. Limit snacks to healthy things and limit them. Only indulge in dark chocolate. 
• Set a weight goal. I think I want to be 130-140. I would like to reach my goal by my 21st birthday which is in June 2012. 

Wish me luck! I am determined not to give up on my goals and to get rid of my final 60+ pounds!

Changes

So I've had a very discouraging month long stall. This is probably stemming from too little protein and too many carbs as well as massive stress from college and a job search. I figured this would be a good time to look back and reflect on what has changed and what is going to change as soon as I get myself together and get back on track.

A lot of clothes that I've had in my closet have begun to fit. I've enjoyed the catharsis of throwing away or giving away clothes that don't fit anymore. I'm enjoying wearing some expensive coats that were given to me but I was never able to fit. I also find it ironic that I'll be losing more weight during a season when most people cover up, so when I "reveal" myself in the spring/summer, it will be all the more shocking. I've been enjoying shoe and make up shopping more.  I went through a period where all of that seemed silly because heels made my feet hurt and make up seemed like a waste of time. It's also more fun to be able to sit and cross my legs easily and fit into chairs.

I still see myself as quite large and I'm sure others to do, but I've shrunk from a certain level of large- like massive to extra chubby. I still have a number of insecurities but I can see how they might lessen as I shrink. I hope you all have a great holiday season and that I am successful with my efforts as January 1 rolls around.

Stall

Stalls are commonplace and torturous. Weight can't be lost like a lovely line chart with a constant, gentle downward slope. Instead it works like a flight of stairs, going down, leveling out, going down. It makes sense logically but mental it's awful. Stalls feel like personal failure and mine has come just before I read a milestone- getting below 200 pounds. Stalls in weight loss feel like a stall in life sometimes, like you're not moving forward. I can't wait for mine to end, even though it feels endless I have a sneaking suspicion that it will in fact end some day soon. 130 pounds seems so far away though and I am a far cry from an impressive "after" picture! I'm making some resolutions to help though- tracking food carefully, exercising more, and maybe imposing a certain time that I don't eat after. I need to keep chugging along! Wish me luck!

Weight Loss With the Sleeve

Weight loss with the sleeve is slow but steady, but it doesn't feel like that. I feel like I haven't lost anything but them I look back at my spreadsheet and see that it did. It just feels so slow sometimes! I'm still a bit over 200 pounds so I'm still "fat" and no one really notices that I got any smaller. I feel subtle differences but nothing absolutely major. I feel like once I get below 180 I'll be closer to being a "normal" person but that might not be until early next year.

You would think that eating the way they told me to and exercising more would speed up my weight loss but it doesn't always. I don't always eat exactly the way they tell me to but even when I do it doesn't make my weight loss speed up. Exercise usually does they opposite of what it should, I don't know if it's water retention or muscle growth but I never see a dirrect correlation between exercise and weight loss- although I know there must be.

Losing weight is like being in an iffy relationship. You never know what motivates them and you're just going with trial and error to make them happy. I feel so disconnected from my body- it's been 20 years and I still don't know what to do to make it do what I want it to... So I'm just trudging along, hoping to keep losing weight simply from a calorie deficit and some exercise. I'll feel better when I get under 200 and into "one-derland" (which better be soon!!)

My History with Obesity: Part 3

My first experiences with diets came in middle school, probably before I was mature enough to handle this type of thinking. Eating often and in large quantities was so natural to me, mostly because that’s just how I was from the beginning and because those were the habits I subsequently built, trying to make me utilize portion control and carb control was a struggle. My mother never had a major weight problem but she was always a little heavier than she’d like to have been. Therefore we had several dozen diet books in our house with overtook several shelves in a kitchen bookshelf. Whichever one she was interested in that month could usually be found on the kitchen counter with several post it notes poking out of it.

She approached me like one would approach an addict, gently and letting them know you’re there for them but they need to make the decision to get help. I explored the South Beach Diet, Weight Watchers, Atkins, and more. All not exactly designed for people in their early teens and while I didn’t consciously rebel against these diets I did eventually fall off the wagon, generally because they tried to make me eat weird food and because I was rarely satisfied with the measly portions they allowed (with the exception of Atkins which allowed a lot of food, but the lack of carbs gave me headaches). I never lost any significant amount of weight when dieting ever, my hunger would force me to slowly add foods back in and over the course of about two weeks I would be back to enough calories to satisfy me but too many calories to lose weight.

Walking into high school of over 1,500 students and seeing a sea of students that all seeming thin and put together was overwhelming for me. I had always been one to immediately compare myself to others and being in a room with thirty people (after being in a class where my entire grade was half that size) was crazy. The girls were generally clones of each other, they all had perfectly relaxed straight hair while mine was unruly, frizzy, and naturally curly and all wore clothes for a combination of American Eagle, Aeropostale, and Hollister. Most of these stores didn’t carry sizes above a large in their store so I was shit out of luck. As high school went on I had to change from shopping in the Juniors section, where some of the clothes seemed so unreasonably small I don’t think I would have fit them even as a young child, to shopping in Misses and finally Womans and specialty shops like Dress Barn, Torrid, and Lane Bryant. Clothes for “full figured” women all had a generally theme, in some stores they would be all old lady clothes with lovely floral pattern that looked like they belonged on a tasteless bedspread covering a lumpy mattress in an old age home. For the most part they avoided clingy material and went for the loose style. Sometimes I’d go into these stores and get excited thinking “Wow, that looks great on the mannequin. Maybe I won’t live and die in baggy, shapeless clothes anymore!” But then I would go in the dressing room and it would be a disaster. Maybe I was too fast for these fat clothes, but then I realized that that mannequin did not have chubby arms, bad fat, or love handles, it was just a slightly bigger model of a skinny mannequin. It was just like plus sized models have just a little bit of chub spread out equally throughout their body so you could say hey, they’re a little bigger, but not throwing up in your mouth bigger. You never see a 300 pound woman with stretch marks and cellulite showing off that bra and panty collection made just for you and your special plus sized needs.

I did obviously find clothes to wear because the only thing worse than going to high school with ill-fitting clothes was going with none at all. Around this time jeans started to not find well. To those of you who are jeans enthusiasts, you know that jeans are supposed to gently rest right below your belly button. My stomach protruded to the point where the waist of my jeans rested under my stomach, similar to a man with a large beer belly. This caused them to be baggy in the butt, loose in the crotch, and do weird things around the knees. Overall, it was not a good look so I did my best to make myself look presentable but slowly shifted to wearing stretchy pants (usually black) and t-shirts.

This generally didn’t work and whenever I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror I would cringe. My self-image has always confused me. Looking at my weight and how I’ve only been over 200 pounds since the beginning of college but I was over 150 for the entirely of my time in high school – which is large. I remember thinking how big I was the whole time. I recently found some old pictures and seeing how small I was compared to now. Then I felt big, but I do remember not fitting in clothes in the juniors section and feeling auditorium seats feeling tight. The little sensations of being heavy added up over the years. First it was clothes and feeling bigger in general. Then one day I thought about the size of the skinny girl’s XS shirt and my XL, I considered the volume I had that she didn’t. I physically took up a much larger area than she did and that was just odd to me. 

Restaurant Experience- Pre and Post Op

I was always a very hungry person, so I always ate a lot at every sitting. How much I ate when I went out would always depend on who I was with. If it was friends I would eat either before or after the meal and make sure I never got anything too "embarrassing", like fettuccine alfredo. If I was out with family we would always get an appetizer and then I would order something big, like pasta, and usually eat most of it.

The way I look at menus has changed drastically since I've gotten my sleeve. I used to look to find a way that I could eat as much as possible basically. I also never used to actively seek out healthy options per se when eating  out. I would usually get pasta with shrimp or a cheeseburger or something in that family. Before surgery I never felt full so that led me to seek out larger portions and to live my life focusing on satisfying my ever-constant hunger.

On a side note-- I was never one to skip breakfast. It would usually be 2 eggs and 2 pieces of wheat toast (I never understood people who skip breakfast..), but I would be hungry usually around 10 or 11am. If I didn't eat for more than a few hours I would get stomach pains, fatigue, lightheadness, and some irritability. It was almost as though I was going through withdrawal and it actually make me nervous sometimes. The general point is that I believe that my weight problem was due largely to my larger appetite which is very similar to my fathers. A lot of people (mostly skinny people or fat people who lost weight sitting in their high horse) like to say that genetics have little to with weight gain and that obesity is essentially a moral failing. I was never one to jump to genetics as an instant out but I have to say there definitely is SOME connection to obesity and genetics. I was always overweight growing up even though I was always active. Who knows...nature vs. nurture. I think it's some combination of the two, personally.

Back to the topic at hand- Post surgery I knew there was a high emphasis on eat protein first and getting in 70 + grams per day, so now I only order protein. Eggs, chicken, maybe beef, or seafood. Shrimp cocktails are a good meal or some simple chicken dish, some salad are nice so you can eat the chicken on top with some dressing and lettuce. Basically, I ONLY look for healthier dishes. Luckily, since I can eat so little I'm not always looking for low fat or low calorie options. I'll never to be able to eat the whole thing in one sitting so that's not my focus, protein in.

PS. If you are out at a less formal place, try to order a side of something. For example: I went to a place that sold mexican food and just ordered a side of grilled shrimp. My lunch was $3. :)

Has anyone else noticed a change in themselves when eating out or any pre-op who anticipate any changes or challenges when eating out? Please comment below!! :)

My History with Obesity: Part 2

My mother was the third of four children and growing up her mother was the trifecta- a poor cook, a traditionalist, and a crazy person. My grandmother had a meal assigned to each day, meatloaf on Mondays, tuna casserole on Tuesdays, and so on. She didn’t too much care about her kids preference, they all ate what she liked and what her limited culinary skills allowed her to produce. You had to finish your meal and if you were still hungry- here’s a piece of bread. They grew up snacking on white bread and graham crackers if they were hungry except my aunt, who always chose a small piece of fruit instead. My aunt was always naturally thin. Granted she ate very little, but she also just wanted to eat very little. One day, as a teenager, my aunt asked my grandmother to make her an egg for breakfast. My aunt sat down with the egg, ate a few bites, and pronounced herself stuffed. My grandmother who always struggled with her weight (to the point of taking Mother’s Little Helper-the 1950’s name for doctor prescribed speed- to control it) went berserk and chased my aunt around the house screaming like a madwoman and physically harassing my aunt out of a likely combination of weight related frustration on temporary insanity brought on by jealousy. Despite my aunts problems with my grandmother, she did go on to grow up, get married, and have kids- kids she swore to raise healthily and certainly not overweight. She fed them healthy foods and organic foods and never kept junk in the house. But instead of being thin and perfect my cousins sought out unhealthy snacks at friends’ houses and outside of their home environment. My aunt even allegedly held a birthday party and didn’t let my eldest cousin have a piece of her own birthday cake. In the end my cousins were both consistently overweight throughout their lives and my mother tried to take lessons from this.

As I entered middle school I noticed the difference between other girls and myself more often. I was in a class of very intelligent and pretty girls and I stuck out like a sore thumb. It felt as if I missed a class on how to be thin and pretty. The other girls had delicate features- thin wrists, elegant necks, tiny waists, and I was a chubby goofball who weighed 100 pounds in seventh grade and despised the rule commanding that we tuck in our shirts because that only made my protruding belly more obvious to the world. I was of course friends with the prettiest girl in the class, blonde haired, blue eyed, and athletic. I had my first stab at being the cock-blocking fat friend of the pretty girl as we went through middle school together. I got a front row seat to the male attention I was missing out on and it wasn’t fun, especially since she began dating the boy I’d liked for over a year. But who could blame her, she was pretty and he was just learning how to properly judge girls worthiness based on their outward appearance. In the end, they broke up in a big scandal and middle school ended eventually, but that wouldn’t be the first time I felt that I was passed over for something based my looks.

During middle school I became more aware that I wanted to eat more than the other girls. I went to a small parochial school and my class contained thirteen future prodigies while the other classes were of comparable size. It was easy to notice who ate what, but in a school brimming with wasps and eagle-eyed teachers, little teasing went on. My best friend would always eat half a tuna sandwich delicately, picking it apart bit by bit then popping it in her mouth. After discarding the extra half she would maybe eat a carrot stick or two and perhaps pick at the desert. For me, I was starving by lunch time and devoured my sandwich. Sometimes seconds were offered and I’d wait a few minutes then go in with the line of boys to grab some extra food. By then there were also girls who had started just eating a salad with lunch or the one girl who always looked a bit angry who would buy lunch, sit there for twenty minutes, then throw it away without touching it.

All throughout middle school I was very involved in sports and martial arts. I began taking Tae Kwon Do lessons at six years old because I had too much energy and was a bit too rambunctious. In middle school I did basketball in the Fall and soccer in the spring. Warming the bench was my main function during games but in practices I got a lot of exercise and had a lot of fun. I was always the slowest runner and always managed to eat so much throughout the day that I never became a svelte athlete even with an hour or more of exercise a day.

During this time I also took dance classes because my sister loved them but hated spending an hour in front of a mirror looking at myself bounce and jiggle around the room. These girls were even smaller than the girls in my school and worse than that, they were older and beginning to develop a sense of style. They were cute and full of makeup and confidence, something that made trying to dance next to them even more difficult because I spent the whole time comparing myself to their slender selves and finding myself wanting. One year I almost died of shame when one of my teachers thought it would be perfect to put us in yellow fishnet shirts with only a black bra on top to hide things that need to be hidden. I still can’t believe that I actually danced in front of several hundred people, in a group or otherwise, with my stomach exposed.

Around this time I also took gymnastics, which I loved. But these girls were not just small they were compact. They were 80-100 pounds of pure unadulterated muscle, not only were they thin and pretty but they were impressive athletes. I enjoyed my little class with basic tricks like back handsprings on the trampoline or back walkovers but my weight held me back. I was 150 at the end of middle school and beginning of high school so while the other girls wore cute skintight camis or just leotards and spandex shorts I wore a leotard with loser shorts and t-shirt, to make sure nothing embarrassing because exposed, heaven forbid my stomach become exposed during class. I remember one girl who was older than me said she needed to watch her weight because she was 115 but then she giggled and said that ten pounds were accounted for because of her massive chest and bounded off. Girls that age had a tendency to do that, randomly bring up weight or body image issues, mainly to be reassured that no they weren’t fat, they were just crazy for thinking so. I never publically mentioned my weight because by then I understood that I was larger than normal and that simply would not do. When speaking with another girl that was on the chubby side before my freshman year of high school we started talking about weight and I disclosed my number, 146. I expected her to say “oh yea me too” or “I’m pretty close to that, it’s ok”. Instead her reply was “Oh, I know someone that’s that big”, like I was a scientific case study that was so outrageous that she couldn’t relate, but she knew someone similar in these gargantuan proportions, perhaps I should visit the Guinness Book of World Records?

Explaining my blog name- The story behind "chunky monkey"

I was going out for my birthday and had my whole family and new boyfriend in the car. He was a weight lifter and was very in-shape, living off of a very healthy, high protein diet. We were all going out for hibachi to celebrate my 18th birthday. I meant to text my sister that when we were going out to dinner all together that he would realize I was a "chunky monkey" because I would eat more than him. I accidentally sent the text to my boyfriend instead of my sister and was subsequently MORTIFIED. I figured it was an appropriate name for myself in this context (even though it hopefully won't be true for much longer!)

Pre-op Testing --> from the referral to the anesthesia

I thought that it might be interesting for those considering surgery or on their way to getting the sleeve or any other type bariatric surgery to see what I went through from start to finish. I must say, as a disclaimer, that you insurance company or surgeon may have different requirements which may include more or fewer appointments. I also had a time constraint-- I'm a student and wanted at least 3 weeks to recover before going back to school, so my "journey" was on the fast track a bit. Some doctors recommend taking longer to go through this process so that you can mentally prepare for the surgery since it will be permanent and you'll definitely want to be sure that this is something you want to do. I've included a timeline so you can see how long it took me.

May 14: I met with my primary care physician to get a referral letter. My doctor is kind of kooky and opened the door dramatically (the nurse had told him why I was there) and said "We're reach a critical mass!!" which I thought was an ironic turn of phrase. Most, if not all, insurance companies require a letter of medical necessity from a primary care doctor before you can be approved.
May 26: Another required event for any larger weight loss surgery center is a Weight Loss Surgery Seminar. In my case, the surgeons all spoke with a corresponding slide show. It was very informative, but being the control freak I am, I already knew most of what was presented, but it was interesting to see the other people considered bariatric surgery. Most of my experiences concerning this surgery had been online, so seeing morbidly obese people, people like me, en masse was intriguing.
May 31: This was my first cardiology consult. They had meant to have my first appointment be with a surgeon, oops. They did an echocardiogram which involved being naked from the waist up and wearing a very stylish paper vest that didn't quite close. You get to lay on a table, on your side then your back, and they push a hand held thing that looks like what they give pregnant women ultrasounds with (for all I know it's exactly the same thing), and they rub your chest to look for any abnormalities that may make it unsafe to undergo surgery. All in all it was the beginning of a series of tests that made me uncomfortable, but the whole time I just reminded myself that the ends would justify the means and I would never have to see these people again.
June 17: My next test was a stress-test echocardiogram which was just attaching electrodes and strapping a heart monitor to and around my chest. Then I just briskly walked on a treadmill which was set on a steep incline. The goal was to get my heart rate to a "target range" which was determined by my age (I believe mine was 170 bpm). This is meant to check your basic cardiac health and will also show if you have any underlying issues.
June 17: Later that day I had my first surgeon consult. They first weighed me in and had me talk to physicians assistant to ask which surgery I wanted and tested me to see what all I knew. Then I got to meet my future surgeon who was very pleasant and, as he proved, had a very good track record. Our consult was brief but I left excited.
June 30: I had my first of two nutritionist meetings. This meeting was with a nutritionist near me, but she was a little unfamiliar with the needs of bariatric patients. She read over a list provided by my surgeon in a flat tone and showed me lovely example of a plastic chicken as a sample of what I should be eating. Please don't be discouraged if you meet a doctor or nutritionist like this, there are always others!
June 30: The H-Pylori test is the easiest of all the required tests. This tests for a bacteria that may be in your stomach which will lead to your surgery being higher risk. It can be treated with antibiotics but needs to be caught before surgery if you have it to avoid complications. You just breath into a pouch. Drink some nasty juice, wait 15 minutes, breath into another pouch. They test the pouches right there and should be able to tell you relatively quickly if you have H-Pylori.
June 30: Another relatively easy test is Blood and Urine samples. It just tests the basics- signs of untreated diabetes, pregnancy, deficiencies, and all that good stuff.
July 1: Preliminary meeting with my Pulmonary doctor. Kind of scatterbrained, but good enough. I was told I would need a breathing test and sleep study to test for sleep apnea (because it's more common with overweight people and it runs in my family).
July 7: The breathing test was awkward but painless. It felt like smoking a hookah, except I was exhaling instead of inhaling. I don't know why but I felt like I wasn't breathing deep enough - kind of a weird thing to be insecure about. They also braco-dilate (I think that's what it's called). They essentially give you asthma medicine to help you breathe deeper if you have the potential to.
July 7: The Psychological evaluation was a weird situation. For me, being obese my whole like I had a thin layer of self esteem and was very nervous about what types of probing questions I might be asked. I managed to run into someone I knew there, double awkward, and when I was eventually walked in I tried not to smile as I was asked to sit on the cliche shrinks couch. The questions were pretty straightforward- Tell me about the surgery, do you drink or do drugs?, do you have a family history of mental illness?, do you have friends, and so on. My evaluation was summarized into a very clinical 3 paragraph paper which cost $50, lovely.
July 7: This time I saw a legitimate, well-informed nutritionist who sat down with a group of us and discussed the necessary vitamins and protein shakes. We talked about the different stages of post -op eating and what we should eat as we get farther out.
July 7: This was most likely the worst nights sleep of my life. The sleep test was like being in a weird sci fi novel. They hook electrodes to your arms, head, and legs along with a tube in your nose to monitor your breathing. The put you in a weird, hotel like room with a tiny TV and watch you sleep. Turns out I have sleep apnea! Go figure. Symptoms include snoring, waking up throughout the night, and daytime fatigue- check, check, and check. I had over 140 hypopnias (when your breathing slows) and I woke up 19 times throughout the night. Yay.
July 14: I had to have a repeat stress test because my results were "positive". Apparently a false positive is common in some percentage of women. If the result is true it could mean that you have an issue with your heart but my repeat test was done differently and showed I was fine. You can research it more if you have questions, I'm not very good at explaining it. All I know is that I needed to wear the paper vest again on the treadmill with an audience and that vest does NOT provide proper bust support. Awkward.
July 14: I got to visit my OBGYN to switch from the birth control pill to the Depo Provera birth control shot. The pill has hormones that might make you more prone to blood clots. You are generally not allowed to take the pill for a month before and after the surgery. Weight loss makes you extra fertile and the pill may not be absorbed right - so I'm opting to stay on the Depo shot until I finish losing weight.
July 14: You are generally required to go to at least one Support Group meeting before the surgery. There was a good mix of pre-op and post-op people. The pre-op people were all anxious and excited and the post-op people were all giddy and self-assured (most flaunted "before' pictures). It was a good experience and I've been trying to go to another one.
July 19: All of my paperwork was FINALLY sent to my insurance carrier.
July 21: Second sleep test. Same procedure as the first one but this time I had to wear a sleep apnea mask to test me to find the right pressure for me during the surgery. People with sleep apnea are more likely to have dangerous respiratory events post surgery, especially if the pressure isn't right during surgery. Regardless, this night was m.i.s.e.r.a.b.l.e.
July 21: Was APPROVED by insurance. Set surgery date.
July 28: Pre-admin test. Includes paperwork, checking out your heart, drawing blood, and other basics.
July 28: Pre-op class. We discussed in detail everything that would happen directly before, during, and after the surgery as well as what our eating would be like for the future.
August 2: Started 2 day pre-op liquid diet.
August 4: Surgery day!


I hope this answered some questions you might have. Feel free to leave comments below if there's anything else you want to know about my pre-op test experience!

I'm not sure if those of you reading are just considering bariatric surgery or if you are post-op and just comparing your progress to that of others. Below I've posted my weight loss week per week. So far I've gone from 256 to 211 in just a little under 3 months (my surgery was August 4, 2011). I'm really looking forward to being under 200 pounds (a weight I never imagined I would reach) and entering ONE-derland :)
   
Starting Finishing    Loss for week Total  Loss Week
 256          240           -16                           -16                1
 240          234           -6                             -22                2
 234          230           -4                             -26                3
 230          225.5        -4.5                          -30.5             4
 225.5       224           -1.5                          -32                5
 224          224            -0                            -32                6
 224          222           -2                             -34                7
 222          218.5        -3.5                          -37.5             8
 218.5        218          -0.5                          -38                9
 218           214.5       -3.5                          -41.5             10
 214.5        214          -0.5                          -42                11
 214           212.5       -1.5                          -43.5             12
 212.5         211         -1.5                          -45               13

My weight, the ups, downs, and plateaus

As I think more about this blog, I've been thinking more about what I'd like to share with you all. Some topics that come to mind are my family and their weight issues, why I chose bariatric surgery, issues I've have with weight-socially, romantically, and in school, and more. Feel free to comment or email me at chunkymonkey6491@gmail.com to suggest what else I talk about.

I've always been chubby but I really started tracking my weight when I hit 100 pounds in about 5th grade. I was around 5 feet tall then (maybe a little shorter) and I had a really round face and tummy. I found myself in a very small class in a parochial school with exceptional bright students who also happened to be thin and athletic so that wasn't a fun time. Not because I was teased, but because I compared myself to them among other things.

When I entered high school I weighed a little over 140, already at a higher weight that I should be during my adult life. At the beginning of high school I stopped doing Tae Kwon Do but took up gymnastics and dance and eventually transitioned back into martial arts and competed in sparring at tournaments. There was never a time when I was completely inactive. I was also active in many, many clubs and activities in and out of school so while I might have been sedentary sometimes, I was never a kid who just sat in all day and played videogames.

I graduated high school around 190 and began college at precisely 206. My freshman 15 was a freshman 30, due to dining hall food, stress, and a lack of the activities I had grown accustomed to (although I was loyal to my elliptical machine). My weight went up to 230 and finally 256 during the course of my college career.

I know that some girls freak out when they gained weight, but for me that was a normal condition. The weight would just creep up and then my weight would plateau and the cycle would repeat itself. I tried many, many, many diets but never lost more than 15 pounds really and found that I was always sabotaged by my appetite. I could deal with reducing my food intake for  a few days but after about a week I got so hungry that I would have to start adding back food and ultimately I ended up back where I started.

After 20 years of this cycle with no end in sight and a father who has lost and regained 100+ pounds twice as well as a grandmother who died at 61 from type II diabetes, I chose to have weight loss surgery.

My History with obesity: Part 1

From the get go I was destined to be larger than other babies and ultimately other people. My mother and her poor little A-cup breasts couldn’t keep up with my infantile hunger and ran out of milk after a mere three months of breastfeeding. I was a chubby baby, sporting numerous folds of baby flab which were just precious. My cheeks took over a majority of my face and my eyes squinted when I laughed to the point where you would nervously begin to question where they went and how soon they would be coming back. Eating was never a fight with me and by the time of my first check up the doctor went to pick me up and commented, puzzled that I was quite “dense” and wondered what I was eating. I was quite the energetic child and would bounce around in the little suspended duck that hung in the doorway of my kitchen for hours. My baby fat and I bounded through my house in a rambunctious frenzy without a care in the world. Little did I know that those cute rolls of fat were not a temporary condition, but would become a lifelong struggle.

In preschool I remember not noticing too much of a difference between me and the other kids, partly because I was less self-aware at the tender age of three but party because I had a bit of a growth spurt and was for the most part a normal weight. I do remember never feeling full. Wherever I went I was always aware of food and always wanted to secure the largest amount possible. During snack time they would hang up an adorable drawing of the food we would have and how many pieces we could take. They taught us how to count with 1,2,3 Fig Newmans. I would have my three and later sneakily return to pocket a few to eat in the bathroom because I was still hungry. I didn’t feel shame for my thievery but I did realize that what I was doing wasn’t allowed and that I shouldn’t advertise my actions. 

As I donned my fabulous multicolored unitard and bedazzled jeans for my first day of “big girl” school I was thrust into a world of comparing myself to others. This didn’t happen overnight, but gradually I noticed how skinny and cute the other girls were and how they seemed favored in some situations. Food was still a big focus in my life and was never too far from my mind. I was never one to skip breakfast and my mother was never one to serve unhealthy breakfasts. For me it was about quantity, why have one piece of toast when you can have two? Then at lunch time I perfected the art of either buying snacks to supplement a lunch from home, trading food with unsuspecting peers, or simply buying hot lunch. 

To be continued...

A background...

Two months after my 20th birthday, on August 4, 2011, I had weight loss surgery. I had the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy which is unlike the Lap Band (which inserts a plastic ring at the top of the stomach and restricts the amount of food that can enter) as well as the Gastric Bypass (which reroutes the intestines to bypass the stomach completely. The Sleeve includes removing roughly 80% of the stomach and allowing for approximately 3 ounces of food to enter at one time.

I started considering weight loss surgery when I was 18 years old after struggling with weight issues since infancy. I had always been a chubby baby, then a chubby toddler, preteen, and young adult. When I was younger I was very active in sports- both soccer and basketball, as well as martial arts (specifically Tae Kwon Do). No matter how active I was my weight was also an issue, I was always overweight. I always had a very hearty appetite and even though my mother was very health conscious I always found a way to eat more than I should and foods that I shouldn't.

At age 20 I stood 5'2" and 256 pounds. I chose to have this surgery so that I would be able to get control of my weight and not have this be a lifelong issue that controlled my life. Almost three months after surgery I have lost 45 pounds and currently weigh 211. Few people know that I have had this surgery but I thought this blog would be a good opportunity to explain my experiences with weight loss surgery, give some history about me, and keep me accountable as I continue on using my sleeve as a weight loss tool.